Defying Poverty

The notion of a midlife crisis is simple: we become existentially terrified we have not lived the manner in which we want and act immediately and aggressively to compensate.

A quarter-life crisis is much the same: having anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life. A period of insecurity, doubt and disappointment surrounding career, relationships and financial situations.

As for me, becoming Temidayo Musa, I had different episodes of it many years before the projected age. I grew up in Shomolu, Lagos State. Where the extreme realities of poverty, morality and religion seats and dine side by side.

I did not like growing up there. However, as kids we managed to create pockets of fond memories.

Mother

My mother, she is an excellent mother, I still wonder how she pulled a lot of things off without losing her core. She is so relentless in lifting us and hers out of poverty with her handiwork and hard works.

I was in Primary 5 when I started waking up 4:30am every Monday to Saturday to assist her business. Sleep was a luxury we could not afford, even though I grumbled and wished to be to one of our neighbour’s children who get to sleep till the day breaks completely, I knew what was at stake, mother reminds us about it every passing time.

Walking long distance to grind beans, coming back to fan charcoal/firewood, attending to numerous customers under scorching sun and pouring rain was exhausting, but I and my siblings forgot about them when we are eating good food, attended the best schools and wearing good clothes.

She gave us a better chance at beating poverty.

Finding balance

Living in Shomolu comes with an icing for those hungry to make ends meet in a legal way. It is the home for anything that has to do with print work. From designing, production to branding, post-production and recycling. As a secondary school graduate and teenager, before getting my job at a cyber café, I worked at different printing press at different stages of production and after a while I became good at stitching books!

When I got a job to manage a cyber café as a teenager, I knew Internet fraud was not my thing, the idea of scamming people off their hard earned money with a ruse was against everything I stood for. After few months, I could not stand it, I resigned. That was my first resignation letter, the content was brief and I was happy dropping it off for my boss but the glee was short-lived as I was not paid my accrued salary. Welcome to Nigeria!

Yeah, I know what you are thinking. Who resigns at a job before getting paid?? Afterwards, I went back to working at the printing press, broke.

Maintaining Balance

When I started my university education, unsuspectingly to my parents, I come to Lagos every weekend from Ifẹ̀, to work any kind of available job just to meet up with welfare and learning at the University. The journey back and forth between Ifẹ̀ to Lagos every week started taking a toll on me, I took a break from travelling and I became more picky with the jobs I accepted and only came to Lagos when the pay was attractive enough.

Yes, this included odd jobs. Please don’t try to imagine the type of odds jobs I did, you will give yourself an aneurysm.

Father Teresa

I love the good things of life (Who doesn’t?) but I do not covet them wrongfully. Despite not having much, I love to give. I love making people happy. It does not matter if I am genuinely happy but gifting people things, no matter how minute, makes me happy.

When I was in junior school, there was this son of a police commissioner in my school. The boy was known to come to school with loads of goodies, in a bid to brag he would throw these goodies in the air and students scramble to pick them. It was a feat to watch, I never joined them. I hated the “beggy beggy” nature that drove those students to him and why he could not share them in a dignifying manner. When one maternal aunt came back from a trip and gave me a lot of candies, I made sure I shared with every classmate in an orderly manner. What was I even thinking??

I love random acts of kindness; I love being the answer to people’s prayers, I love being the reason why people have hope, it comes with a cost also. Being someone with an open mind-set and philosophy about life, I have learnt that some people can use this against you. They can be manipulative and entitled towards attracting your kind generosity.

For me it is strenuous; spending time to ascertain if a person’s need is genuine or a subterfuge.

Health is Wealth

I have been drinking only water for 6 months and maybe wine on few occasions. Even though I have a number of friends from well-to-do homes, I do not join them or feel pressured to smoke tobacco because I cannot afford to die young or raise money for its health implications.

I do not roll with troublesome people because I do not want to be in the middle of a knife/bottle/gun fight. Who will pay for the hospital bills or time spent at home recuperating?

It is a pity seeing some folks from poor homes doing cocaine, harming their body with nicotine and different alcoholic mixture. Cocaine is an expensive albeit harmful addiction, unfortunately these people that cannot even boast of 3 square meal! Indulge in it and doing all sort of things just to appear “cool”. Some of us are just a step from a major health crisis to a global GoFundMe hashtag.

I cannot be the one that will drive myself to that point.

Living below my means

I know President Buhari told you to live within your means, but I am recommending you live below it. That way you won’t burn out quickly and it also deflects people’s perception of your true worth. I learnt this from a minimalist old friend of mine.

Sometimes I wonder how much money people think I have. Some assume I am from a royal family or my roots are linked to those 2nd republic politicians, others think “this guy na just pure hustler”. The truth is I don’t even know, I am just used to this minimalist lifestyle. I didn’t get here by chance.

My friend has a booming business, you will never know unless you see her books. She doesn’t flaunt it, she doesn’t need to. We will walk into a space and people will think I am the one with the “bag of money”. Only if they know that my friend can buy all of us and the building we are in. She does the basic things and enjoys life without showing off or trying to impress anybody.

Meanwhile, I have some other friends, always rolling over debts, borrowing to live a fake life, slaving themselves to buy phones and jewelleries that is beyond their means while living under a leaking roof and seconds away from being evicted by their landlords. Their income comes from rustling cash from friends and gas lighting people into giving them money.

What a way to remain in poverty.

No Romance without Finance

I can relate to how people fall in love even while both of them do not have any kọbọ to their name. What I cannot relate with is why they will decide to bring innocent children into such union. I have seen people who hustle so hard and yet spend it recklessly on numerous ladies in their life.

I have seen love being smothered out of relationships due to lack of finance. I do not blame them, I won’t risk any serious relationship or entanglement without a robust and sustainable source of income.

Some of you can barely feed yourself yet you’re sleeping around with girls. Do you know how much antenatal fee is? Unless you want to be feeding your child pap, do you know how much baby foods goes for? This doesn’t even include your own feeding and other expenses. How much is your savings and salary sef? Don’t let them bobo you with that “children comes with blessing and what they’ll eat on earth”.

Believe me, in relationships, love is not enough. Do not let anyone push you into unprepared marriages.

Aluta Continua!

I am still in Nigeria, with a mind inflated with happiness and a body that knows how to avoid what will drag me into poverty. My desires are more of a focused concept. I am not sleeping on chances that emerge from the ether every day. I must admit, it is hard to reconcile the notion of what I am doing while free-falling through life and the gbas-gbos of the great unknown.

My adventures might be unstructured, unplanned and sometimes impulsive, but they are neither reckless nor self-destructive. Maybe I am deep in the throes of a quarter-life crises, but to me, it feels more like a self-actualization trip.

P.S: If you are led to send me money or finance/support my relocation to Australia or Canada, please do not let my village people stop you.

Kindly reach out to me.

Vinaka!