Breakfast is Served
This post is a festschrift for a Morgan, who is unseen; yet out there living vicariously through us. It is a compilation of random thoughts, occurrences, and moments that Salome (after drinking Claymore), felt would make complete sense and we followed suit.
“I live with a generalized anxiety disorder. What this means is that I experience constant unease and worry about activities or events, even those that are ordinary or routine. The worry is greater than it should be, given the reality of the situation. I did not get here by chance. I haven’t seen a doctor yet but I have taken a couple of online assessment that points to this fact.
For example, if we ever get to chat on WhatsApp, using the “delete message for all” makes me nervous. It causes my brain to independently start questioning why the message was deleted and my stomach starts to wrench in a way that makes me feel like I want to throw up. I hate that feeling.” Temidayo
“I had been hearing of anxiety attacks but never fully understood what it meant until one morning in April, the entire country was on lockdown, and I was almost a thousand kilometers away from home, from my loved ones. I was rounding off my youth service year, and the world was coming to a standstill, people losing their jobs, companies downsizing due to losses, and unpredictable trends. What fate awaited me? What chance did I have?” Ayo
“I really do care about things that I am aware of, and this is somewhat hypocritical for someone like me that tell those in my close circle that I really do not care about some things. One person, in particular, sees through that and I always struggle to accept it. It is easier for some people to sever ties with people but for me, it is difficult.
After my ex broke up with me, I couldn’t sleep that night because of the aches that came with it.
While surfing the internet, it just dropped in my heart that he is financially broke and his ego won’t allow him to ask for help. I went back to where he is staying with his friends and dropped provisions for him. On my way home, inside Taxify, I just started laughing because the dude was trying to be apologetic and wanted us back. Guy, I came to do charity, not to win your heart back.” Salome
“I was in a village in Northern Bauchi, about to be thrown into one of the worst labour markets in the world. Fear gripped my lungs until I couldn’t breathe properly anymore. I had to take deep breaths and count numbers in my head before I could breathe properly. Again, and again, I had subsequent episodes.” Ayo
“The first time I got a rejection mail, it didn’t hit me too much. Then I got two more and then it hit me that something is wrong.
Then like my period, I started seeing them often. Things that I could have landed softly, I got rejected. I reached out to Musa and Morgan; it seems we all belong to the same group.” Salome
“I love my day-to-day work; I love working in the development sector especially in the emergency. Since I came back from the northeast, I have piloted and scaled incredible projects in the sector but at a point, I got tired and uninspired that led to some actions. I have done good jobs; I want to do better ones too in other places.” Temidayo
“Last year, during the pandemic, my boss made me shortlist and terminate 40% of our staff strength. I delivered the news to them myself! After the process has been completed, she called me into her office and terminated my employment. My mental health took a free fall inside and I left Nigeria.” Morgan
“Lately, I have been thinking about the notion of legacy and death; every day we work towards leaving our footprints on the sands of history so that something can outlast and outlive us. For me, I wonder if I have started doing things that build up a legacy if I die today. After writing this paragraph, my friend, Isisi, called me to discuss the concept of death and the possibility of existence after this present life. Coincidence?” Temidayo
“I don’t want to die like an agbalumo”. Morgan
“Looking back now, I hug myself for having to go through those episodes. I’d like to tell my present and future self that “Stop putting your mind through torture because whatever may be, life will always sort itself out.” Ayo
“Today, I thought about running away and ending it all. My life in Nigeria has no meaning and soon it won’t have direction. I have no sustainable income. I have nothing to my name. Sometimes it feels like I am living on ashes of past glory. I can’t even discuss my worries with my brother or counselor, they won’t get it. I feel so old and unaccomplished”. Salome
“…talking about old age, Temidayo, when is your…”. Morgan
“…err, can we end the conversations here?” Temidayo
“Alexa, play me 11:48 by Ignis Brothers”. Salome
“Hey Google, Play Riverside by Agnes Obel” Ayo
“Hey Siri, play me INTHAF by Taylor Swift”. Temidayo
“Cortana, play me, Someone to Stay by Vancouver Sleep Clinic”. Morgan
